Is Being Friends With an Ex Possible?

You just got dumped. Maybe you heard that line ‘We can still be friends’. Is being friends with an ex possible? What does it mean? And how are things going to be between the two of you?

Well, it is possible to be ‘just friends’, however, being friends with an ex isn’t going to be easy; especially right after the break up! I would recommend that you take about a month or so to be away from each other so that you can really heal from the break up and adjust to single life.

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Otherwise you may run the risk of feeling jealous as your ex starts to date again.  If this is something that you are going to have trouble dealing with emotionally, being friends with an ex is probably not right for you just yet.

Another common problem is that many people will try being friends with an ex just so they can try to win them back or ‘sneak through the back door’ into a relationship.  Don’t be friends with your ex if you really just want to date them.  If you try this you’re probably just setting yourself up for a lot of emotional drama and frustration.

Try to manage your expectations.  Don’t expect this friendship to become anything else and please be prepared for the very real possibility that your ex might begin dating again in the future.

That is why I recommend that you take some time off before trying out the friendship.

Taking time for yourself will help you mentally shift from seeing your ex as a partner and allow you to cultivate more independence.  You’ll strengthen your own ability to look within yourself for happiness, rather than to someone else like your ex.

This is one of the biggest challenges in being friends with an ex.  Your number one priority should be to build your own self-confidence and self-esteem.

Even if you do want to get back together with your ex, you should take one month off and work on yourself as well.  However, don’t try staying friends with them.  The last thing you want is to become pigeonholed into the ‘friend zone’.

Basically that just means that they will start to see you as their ‘safe date’.  They know that they can use you if things don’t work out with the real person they want to date.

That’s not good for you because it makes you a doormat that they will walk all over.  They don’t have to live with the consequences of the break up.  They can go out and date around with the safety of knowing that they can fall back on you if they need to.

So you see, being friends with an ex is indeed possible, but it isn’t easy.  Make sure you stay friends for the right reason, and not because you’re just hoping to re-ignite that relationship.  There are better ways to do that.  However, if you genuinely are okay with never dating your ex again and you’re fine with the thought of them seeing another person, then maybe you can be friends with your ex.
 

 

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